The Absolute Most Cliché Naruto Fanfiction Ever
by flameberg16
Summary: Just a fun little one shot. Absolute crack. Consists of most fanfiction clichés I could think off with a twist you never expected. Extreme warning: Beware major cringe.


**The Absolute Most Cliché Naruto Fanfiction Ever:**

**Summary: Absolute crack. Consists of most fanfiction clichés with a twist you never expected. Extreme warning: Beware major cringe.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

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Uzumaki-Namikaze-Senju-Uchiha-Kaguya-Hyuuga-Inuzuka-Yamanaka-Akimichi-Nara…damn this surname is getting way too long. Let's just simplify it to Uzumaki Naruto, yes!

You see Uzumaki Naruto was the jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune. But a more common name for him was the 'edgelord' demon. You see…Naruto faced every possible atrocity at the hands of brutal civilians, despite a genin supposedly being enough to take on a civilian.

This is completely canon! Naruto has to be beaten by a mob on his birthday like he is today. He's very near death and he magically comes face to face with the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

"Who are you?"

"**ME?" **the fox roars, then suddenly morphs into a naked lady, "I don't even know anymore! One point I'm a **giant mass of chakra simply shaped like a fox, **_**next minute I'm a weird demon lord who will train you**_**, **and now I'm a fucking naked ass lady who apparently wants to fuck you! God this is worse than when Madara and the jockstrap…**WHY DO I KNOW THAT?! GAAAAH!"**

"Uh…despite knowing you almost levelled our village and you clearly giving off a presence of evil and malice, I'll befriend you on our first meeting completely abandoning all the character development you showed from loathing humans to befriending one. So now you'll train me because a chakra nuke would have use for esoteric arts like shuriken jutsu right?"

"_**Yes kit…**_**WHAT IN THE BLAZES?! I'M NOT A FREAKING ANIMAL I'M A **_**THING**_**! I HAVE NO GENDER AND I CERTAINLY DON'T REPRODUCE…**or do I?" the female said seductively…or as seductively as you could when you were cringing out of your mind, "Apparently I fall in love with my captor…**please kill me"**

"Awesome! Now you get to call me kit! I find out your fake name made up by authors or I'll call you something like Kyu-chan or Kyu-sensei! Dattebayo!"

The mighty Kyuubi, Kurama had been reduced to absolute tears. Poor, poor Kurama.

"Gasp! The demon has awoken the Sharingan-Byakugan-Rinnegan-Hyouton-Tenseigan-TenInchCock-…" and they kept reciting on and on and on. Naruto had just awoken every possible bloodline in existence. Because fuck plot! Because fuck development! Let's have him OP from the first chapter and make it an absolute power wank.

Then just to make it compelling we introduce a BS villain…but that's a matter for another time.

What's important is the Sandaime shows up with his ANBU and let me tell you they smelled dank…man got to know what weed they've been smoking. Because that's the only way that he and all these ninjas could be this fucking incompetent!

"Hehehe…bro whacha doin bro?" he giggled.

"WERE KEELIEINE THE DAEMON!" the faceless mob yelled in a broken voice.

"Ah…completely forgetting I had a law in place for the last twelve years…wait what were we supposed to do?"

Kakashi who was alternating between hating the demon for killing his sensei to being his elder brother/sensei figure spoke up, "Uh sir…I think we have to exe-"

"SEND THEM TO IBIKI! THAT'S MY RESPONSE TO EVERYTHING! YES!" he said as he ripped off his Hokage cloak and began dancing around in a pair of tighty whities.

'_Ahhh…I know! I'll train in secret and nobody will ever know how awesome I am…dattebayo'_

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**Six Year Time Skip:**

Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto walks into the classroom.

He's tall…like unnaturally tall for a twelve year old. Why the hell is he so tall?!

Also he's buff as hell wearing all black and _super _edgy. Yes, that's what is attractive these days. Not a friendly, reliable yet goofy guy. Nope! Girls just love edge because they have no character.

"Huuunnnn" Sasuke grunts like he's constipated…but he is constipated. The 'Hn' is apparently a sign of Sasuke's douchebagyness. He walks in with an emo face, touching his one-centimeter boner because we all hate Sasuke and he deserves a micro-penis.

"Dobe! Give me your jutsu!" he yells, "I am an Uchiha elite!" he continues to yell, "Because I did that so many times in canon! I have zero redeemable qualities! None at all! True in canon I became a complete dickhead towards the end! But it wasn't totally my fault! Blame Kishimoto for making the Sharin-Hax so damn powerful! Plus, they needed an excuse for a Naruto-Sasuke fight at the end of the series anyways…where was I again?"

"Oh Sasuke-kun you're so dreamy…I'm just going to be a complete psychotic bitch. Me beating Naruto in canon was simply comic relief. Why doesn't anybody give Tsunade shit for beating on Jiraiya? Or Temari beating on Shikamaru and Shikadai? Oh, and Naruto-baka give Sasuke-kun your jutsu because shit works like that"

"Oh my god…you two are complete trash like me. I become a piece of hypocritical shit and I'll give you a hard time for it! How dare you try to steal my jutsu when I used the Shari-Rinne-Byaku-…to copy it myself! Hey, look Sasuke we're the same!"

"Shut it dobe! I will kill you!"

Kakashi walks in with his eye twitching, "Why does this script say I have to suck Sasuke's dick?"

"Ahh! You ruined the script sensei!"

"Seriously? You want me, the guy who preached protecting my comrades at the very start of the series to turn into a complete moron about the son of my father-figure? People give me shit for training Sasuke when A - He was facing a jinchuriki who brutally beat down Rock Lee even with the Eight Gates, B - Had Orochimaru trying to abduct him, C. Why do I always get stuck in the Water Prison on the Wave mission?! If Naruto is a straight up jonin level ninja than I would change my strategy…seriously…"

"How unyouthful of you my youthful rival! I keep saying youth because it is the only youthful thing that my youth can comprehend! I also happened to train your student and Lee years prior for no apparent reason! Youth!"

"Youth!" yelled Lee

"Youth!"

"Youth!"

…

And so it went on.

"Hinata-chan! Kurenai-chan! Anko-chan! Yugito-chan! Yugao-chan! …chan …chan …chan …chan …chan … chan… chan…" it kept going on

I think you get the idea…see Naruto had this crazy idea of creating a harem! He has twenty-thousand girls in this harem, none with personality but all with impractical boobs and no personality.

Yay it turned into written porn! Suck on that quality writing!

…

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Meanwhile underground, Danzo twirls his mustache, "Mwahahahaha!" he laughs in a cliché villain way.

Orochimaru goes, "Kukukuku"

Kisame goes, "Glaghglaghglagh…"

Every villain in Naruto has assembled.

"Hn…what are we doing here again?" Itachi asks very disturbed by what's going on.

"You see…the demon brat has grown to powerful. I'll completely ignore the fact that if I kill him the Kyuubi will reform in a few years to finish off what it started. I'm not an extremist who represents achieving goals through any cost, I'm just a guy who helps expand his harem! Why you ask?! Because all villains love Icha Icha!"

"Kukukukukukukukukukuku" Orochimaru went on rather distressed.

"Why are you saying kukuku? Also I have to get back to my Naru-kun. Ignore the fact that I'm almost as old as his mother. I suddenly decided that his twenty-inch cock was worth more than my two best friends who I grew up with together" Konan spoke with trauma written all over her face.

"Apparently that's all he can say…also…why am I female?!" Itachi yelled in a feminine voice.

"Welcome to the harem! Banzai!" yelled non-decrepit harem-member number 9347.

"Banzai!" echoed feminine voices all over the world.

"Yes lest we forget we have our totally made up super-secret weapon!" Obito declared madly.

"Obito? Weren't you Madara…no wait you were the Nidaime, no wait the Yondaime! Damn it no you're not my father!"

Obito's face morphed to Fugaku's, "No…I am your father…wait wrong series. I meant I am Madara!"

His face morphed back, "Like I was saying…my ultimate weapon!"

Out of it steps a totally original character. One with the powers of anti-wank!

"Gasp! His powers will help him match Uzumaki-Namikaze-Senju-Uchiha…Naruto!"

"Yes!" Pein cheered completely abandoning all character, "Fuck logic! Fuck canon! Most of all fuck you readers! Wait a second…is the weapon female?"

"Oh fu-" Obito was cut off by non-descrepit harem member 10678, "Welcome to the harem! Banzai!"

"Banzai!"

There was much rejoicing

**Cliché author note: I'm thinking off creating a completely new Kekkai Genkai and adding three thousand more people to the harem. Don't worry we'll have a mass orgy lemon because I totally labelled this smut. Also vote on whether some arbitrary thing because I have no plan and I just want reviews! Lolololol!**

**Peace**


End file.
